Day 8: Book I Like and don't

Today's blog is about a book I like and a book I don't. I will also be saying why I like and dislike about the books. I don't really dislike any book. I still haven't met a book I didn't like so in place of the book I dislike I will be mentioning a book I thought was interesting but hard to wrap my head around at times, ones that confused me. Some books I read are just harder to read than others. Those are the one's I would put in the "dislike" category even though I really don't dislike them completely.

The book I like that I will talk about is IT by Stephen King. My favorite Character out of the book is Pennywise, One thing I find interesting not only in books but in life is that fact that people let their fears control and consume them. In this book I feel that is what the author was trying to portray with IT/Pennywise being drawn to the children's fears. The "Shape-shifting" of IT described in the book to me was a way for King to show that fear comes in different ways.

The book I couldn't wrap my head around is Black Notice from Patricia Cornwell. I will say I like how it has the feel of the TV show Bones. I did not finish this book. Not because it was bad, I think it as interesting. I just got confused on something that was near the beginning of the book. I also had alot of things on my mind when I tried to read it. The part that confused me was when the main character was heading to a crime scene and went to get an unmarked car a detective said she could use his car, which was a sports car. She said that would be a good idea but a few sentences later she is showing up in her car. I thought she was going in his. So I stopped reading for a while. now that my life is a bit calmer again. I will finish it.


links to previous days of challenge:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7

Day 7: Tattoos and Their Meanings

Today's post is about my tattoos and their meanings. ( if any) I will not be posting them in any particular order. I will write a description, their meaning and when I got it ( or an approximate time I got it). I will also be posting a picture of the tattoos.

1. This tattoo is on my right upper arm. I got this one in 2014. It says " Two broken people will either fit together perfectly or fucking destroy each other beyond repair" it also has 2 halves of a broken heart. I got this quote because I believe this to be true. I am broken hoping for the perfect fit but it seems like I will just end up destroyed beyond repair. If I haven't been already.
   
    
2. This  tattoo is on my right foot. I got this one in 2014. It is a hatchetgirl surrounded by tribal that kind of looks like bat wings. It is shaded with blue to give it some color. I am a Juggalo ( or Juggalette if you prefer) which is why I got this tattoo. 
   
3. This tattoo is on my left calf and is only part of a tattoo that needs to be finished. This was done in 2013. It says "In Twiztid We Trust" I am a fan of Twiztid and have a few Twiztid tats. I won't reveal the rest of the tattoo that still needs to be added, but I will say that it will be Twiztid related of course. The coloring in it is black on the top half and blue on the bottom.
   
   
   
   
4. This tattoo is on my right hand. It was done in 2014. it is a cover up and she didn't leave any negative space so you can't really tell where the petals are. It is supposed to be a Dark Lotus flower. It was originally just the lettering J.R.B. this is another Juggalo Tattoo. I had the original J.R.B. covered because the person who did it made the "R" look more like an "A". J.R.B.= Juggalo Rydas Bitch. I know it is not part of a Dark Lotus song. It is lyrics from Gang Related by ABK that Violent J does. It wasn't supposed to be part of the cover up but she added it anyway. 
   
5. This is a half sleeve on my left forearm. This one is multiple tattoos together to make the sleeve. The first part of this tattoo is the heart with the arrow through it and the feather hanging off the arrow. The tattoo was done June 6, 1997. That was the day I buried my son. Right after the funeral I went to the tattoo shop picked it out and had Barry the tattoo artist do it. My son passed away 3 days before I got the tattoo. In 2005 on Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras) in New Orleans,  a friend of mine bought me a tattoo so I was getting one when she did.  I had "Remembering Christian added around the heart tattoo. The tattoo artist spelled "Remembering" wrong even after I spelled it for him. In 2014 I had "Remebering" (that is how it was spelled, he missed the other 'm') covered with the big gecko that goes around my arm and his dates were added (1/8/96-6/3/97). The feet on the gecko needed fixing and was really dark so I wanted to lighten the tattoo up some and at this point wanted a half sleeve since it was taking up most of my forearm anyway. I got the flowers, lyrics and the color as a filler in July 2015. The lyrics I have with the tattoo are "I don't want to lose you but I lost you! No one can take your place" from the song Listen by Twiztid. I also have "If I had one last chance just to say goodbye and tell you that I'd miss you until the day I die" which are lyrics from "Last Chance" by Anybody Killa (ABK)
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
6. This is a 2 tattoos that were done at the same time and goes together. They are located on the side of both my right and left hand by the pinky. These were done in 2014. They say "Whoop Whoop" It is another Juggalo tattoo. 
   
   
   
   
7. This is also 2 tattoos done at the same time and go together. They were also done in 2014. "Wickedly" is on the side of my right hand by the thumb and it goes with "Demented" that is on the side of my left hand by the thumb so that it says "Wickedly Demented" I got this because I feel this describes me and now no one can say I didn't warn them. 
   
   
   
   
8. This tattoo is a cover up for a tattoo I got in 2014 on my ring finger on my left hand. The original tattoo was a guy's name "Joey" who claimed he wanted to marry me but he lied to me. So I  made the mistake of putting his name on me. In 2015 ( actually my latest tattoo) I got it covered with a spiderweb with 2 spiders and the word "Twiztid" in the web. In 2014 I had a tattoo done on the top of my hand between  my thumb and pointer finger. That tattoo is "J4L" (Juggalo for Life). I didn't want to cover it so the web was done so it looks like it is part of the Twiztid tat on the top of my left hand. 
   
9. This tattoo is another Twiztid tat. It is on my neck on the right it is an ambigram one way it says "Madrox" the other way it says "Twiztid" it is surrounded by tribal art that is colored green. I got this tattoo in 2014.
   
10. This tattoo is also a Twiztid tat and is also on my neck. It is on the left side. It says "Mono" and is surrounded by tribal. This was done in 2014
    
11. This tattoo was done in 2006. This is an "In Memory" tat without the words added to it. I know it is an I figured that was all that counted. This tattoo is on my lower back, around the same place where they call it a "Tramp Stamp" which upsets me because of what it means to me. I originally wanted this tattoo on the inside of my left calf near my ankle. The tattoo artist said it would look better where it is now. I got mad the first time someone called it a tramp stamp. Anyway I got this one done because the father of my daughter Madison (she is 9 years old) passed away Nov. 5, 2005 in a house fire. I was a month pregnant with our daughter when he passed away. He loved dragons so I got a heart made out of dragons to stand for him and Madison. She was born in 2006 so I got this tattoo after I gave birth to her. 
    
12. This Tattoo is on my back by my shoulder blade on my right side. This was done in 2014. This was originally drawn for me by a 17 year old who is the daughter of a friend of mine I known for over 20 years. It is a heart with a flower as part of the heart on the left side. I has a purple butterfly inside the heart and a sun ( Purple is Madison's favorite color). Her name is on the inside of the heart also. This was done for my 9 year old daughter Madison. The picture was drawn up for her and I liked it so much I had it tattooed on me. 
    
    
    
13. This tattoo was done in 2005 ( Before I got pregnant but after Hurricane Katrina). It is a teddy bear holding a heart with the name Stanley. I got this after I was told a real good friend of mine whom I considered a big ol' teddy bear didn't make it through Hurricane Katrina.
    
14. This Tattoo I got in Shreveport Louisiana in 2005 after Hurricane Katrina. It is a cover up. What was originally there was a tattoo done by hand with a sewing needle and india ink in 1988 When I was 17. It was supposed to be a swan and looked more like a soup ladle. I had this Ankh with a raspberry vine cover it. The Ankh is also called Cross with a handle. The Egyptians believed this symbol to stand for life. This is the reasoning behind me getting. I just experienced losing a home in a category 5 hurricane and I got a reminder of the life I still had. This tattoo is on my right leg above the ankle. 
    
15. This tattoo was done in 2005 in Louisiana. it is on my left arm right below the shoulder. It is the eyes of Horus and an Ankh. The Ankh stands for "Life" and the eyes of Horus stands for "all seeing". This tattoo stands for "All seeing of Life" I do not believe that is mean i got it to stand for the Higher Power that got me through a life or death situation with my life. 
    
16. This tattoo I got in 1994 after I divorced my first husband. I got an eagle in flight to stand for freedom from a controlling relationship.
    
17. This tattoo was done in 2005 while I was in Louisiana. It is a red rose with the name Kalla (pronounced Kayla). She is my oldest daughter. She is 22. This tattoo is on the right side of my chest right above my right breast. 
    
18. This tattoo I got in 2004. This is the name of the person who put me through the life or death ordeal I mentioned earlier. I got his name cause I figured I could get it covered and that would be easier to do then deal with getting physically abused. The only reason I don't have it covered yet is because I don't know what to cover it with due to the placement of the tattoo. It is by the hairline of my woman parts. I don't want to get just anything there but I really do need to get it covered. It is the colors pink and blue because the tattoo artist wanted to use light colors so it would be easier to cover up later, instead of the dark blue and black "Vinson" wanted. ( This will be the only Tattoo I will not be posting a pic of due to where it is located at)
19. This Tattoo is on my left hip. I got this done in 2000. It is the sun, moon and clouds all in one tat. I got it just because I liked the design. There is no special meaning behind this one.
    
     
20. This tattoo was my first professional tattoo. I got this at the age of 18 in 1988. My very first boyfriend picked it out. He "branded" his girlfriends' when ever he dated someone new with a tattoo of his choice. I wanted a professional tattoo so bad that I didn't care if he picked it out. for me it stands for my first professional tattoo and the beginning of my addiction to tattoos. 
    

I have a lot more planned. if you notice I got a lot of the tattoos around the same time more than once there is a reason behind that. If you read any of my other blogs in this challenge I am doing you would have found out that instead of self-harm I got tattoos. knowing the years I got my tattoos you can tell which ones where the want for self-harm was strong.

I want to state that I am doing this challenge for me to see if I can sit down and still write no matter how busy my day is and so far I am doing rather well. Some of the topics for the 30 days are a bit personal but that helps me in a way to by getting me out of my comfort zone. You can't write a good horror book if you stay in your comfort zone you need to scare yourself sometimes.


Tomorrow's blog will be: A book I love and one I don't.

links to previous blogs in the challenge:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5
Day 6

Day 6: Someone who Fascinates you.

Today I will be talking about someone who fascinates me and why. I want to say first that in general any and all independent artists and authors fascinate me. I find it very fascinating and inspiring to see people do most of the aspects of the business they are in by themselves. Being an indie author I know that there are just some things you can't do yourself  and have it done right. I will be focusing on explaining why one particular group fascinates me. The group I will be mentioning is the horror core rap duo Twiztid. I am fascinated by these guys for many reasons and I will touch on as many of those reasons I can without sounding redundant.

I want to say before I get into this that I will be mentioning them being on Psychopathic Records but I will not be bashing anyone and I am not writing this to talk bad about anyone. I am simply stating why they fascinate me. If you read this and feel like hating just re-read the first paragraph where I say anyone getting there hustle on with hard work in the industry and authors not only fascinate me but also inspire. If you have an opinion feel free to leave a comment. Now onto the "Why" part of my blog.

What fascinates me most about Twiztid is how far they have come in the industry. When they started out just like most people starting out in any independent venture. They weren't very popular, but they kept hustling and doing what they had to do. They got noticed by someone else (ICP)  who already had been through the ropes and was willing to help them grow as artist. Not only did they build a business relationship with them, they also became friends which I feel is rare in the industry in general but not uncommon in the underground. They started out as House of Krazees with The R.O.C. They then signed with Psychopathic Records. They were then known as Twiztid, The Demented Duo. Their fan base grew over the years. ( We are actually Fam not fans). Just like anyone else Monoxide Child and Jamie Madrox (Twiztid) evolved in the business and with the writing of lyrics. Just like a fine wine they got better with age, in my opinion. I really admire that fact that they now have There own record label, Majik Ninja Entertainment. I also admire that they are expanding business-wise with Better than Books.I like the way they do their videos more like mini movies than your usual music videos. The way they are bringing back the joy of collection limited edition things that are music related. These are all reasons I am fascinated with them. I could go on forever about how much I admire them and why they fascinate me but I don't want to sound like a broken record so I will end this now.

On Closing I do want to say that see how far they have come in the industry due to hard work and determination inspires me to keep doing what I need to, the best I can to make my dream of being an author come true. They are just regular people like you and me who had a dream and didn't stop until it was achieved and then just kept on going. I personally think they are two awesome guys that I am glad to have met even if it was briefly in V.I.P. Seeing that they have sold out shows and they are doing big things with their talents, beyond just rapping, fascinates and inspires me and well as give me motivation to keep chasing my dream.

links for the challenge:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4
Day 5

Day 5 - A place you would live, but never vistited

There are a few places I would live, but never visited. One of the places I would live is Fruitland, Idaho. I want to live there strictly based on having an internet friend and texting buddy for the past 7 years who lives there. She is an awesome person, she knows me quite well and we been there for each other emotionally over the past 7 years. We never met, or talked on the phone. I has strictly been text messages or social media. I was there for her to talk to when she attempted suicide. I am glad she talked to me and  did what I said for her to do. I am proud to call her my friend and would love to live near her.
Another place I would love to live but never visited is Hell, Michigan. I had a fascination with that place since I was a kid. I can still remember the day I found out that there was a town called Hell. It was during the winter, I was living in Reading, Pa with my dad. The newspaper came that day and a story on the front page caught my eye. I believe I was 14 or 15. The article in the paper was saying how parents have to watch saying "When Hell freezes over" to their kids when they ask for something they don't want them to have. It went on to explain how a little girl asked her mom for a pony. She told her daughter she can have on when hell freezes over. That night when the little girl went to bed it started to snow. She woke up the next morning snow covered the ground and it was below freezing. The little girl calmly asked her mom " can I have my pony now" then the article revealed they lived in Hell....Michigan. Just the name of the town has me wanting to live there I am drawn to weird and unusual things and Hell, Michigan is one of those things. I am going to be moving to Michigan soon but sad to say it won't be to Hell.
Another place I would like to live and never visited is anywhere in the U.K. I hear so many stories about the place and what fascinates me the most is the ghost stories and creepy places I hear about,

I hope you enjoyed this rambling for today's challenge. Tomorrow is about "Someone who fascinates me and why"
Have a great day!
Feel free to click on the link below for any day of this challenge you may have missed
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 4

Day 4: Ten interesting facts about myself

Day 4 is Ten interesting facts about myself. I will state the fact, than explain the fact the best I can. I hope you are enjoying these as much as I am writing them.

1. I have the same number of children as my father does: My father had a total of eight children between two Marriages. First marriage they had 5 children and with my mom he had three. There was a total of 5 boys and 3 girls. He had a son pass away. Tommy was 21 when he passed away in 1975. I also have eight children, and married twice. I have 5 girls and 3 boys. I also had a son pass away. Christian was 1 year, 4 months, and 26 days when he passed away 17 yrs ago.
2. I don't own any mirrors and prefer it that way: I have an extreme dislike for mirrors, I also dislike having my picture taken for the most part. To be complete honest, I feel my dislike comes from being told I was worthless growing up. Back then my self-esteem was very low and I hated how I look. I still don't think I am all that pretty on the outside but what is on the inside makes up where I lack in looks. I got so used to doing things without looking in a mirror that I honestly don't see a reason to have them anymore. I believe another reason I don't like looking in the mirror is because I am told I look just like  my mom and she passed away when I was five.
3. When I get the urge to self-harm I get a tattoo instead:  When I was younger and couldn't get tattoos  due to being under the age of 18, I would burn myself whenever I hated myself which was a lot. I did have an escape (which is number 4) but there were times I thought of suicide. usually those times I attempted and I failed every time. I have a few scars to show for it. I also attempted in ways that didn't leave physical scars. I got my first tattoo when I was 18 ( I'll go into my tattoos more on day 7). It hasn't been to lately that I was about to get a tattoo whenever I had the urge to self-harm. I find it as a way for me to get the release that self-harm gives me while still doing something socially accepted. 
4. I started playing Music when I was five: After mom passed away i felt so alone and I wanted to do something that connected me to the only one I thought ever loved me ( I still feel like she is the only one who will ever love me). My dad bought my mom an Organ before she got real sick with Cancer. She used to play all the time.  One day I was missing her more than usual, I was maybe five and a half,  so I sit down at the organ and tapped the keys. I didn't even have it turned on. My dad came over turned it on for me and asked me if I wanted to learn to play it, I said I did and he got me lessons. They started the next week. I learned how to play the organ very well I even played the organ for Church a few Sundays when I was 12. I also learned how to play the piano which wasn't that hard since I already knew how to read music and been playing the Organ. When I was in the 4th grade I participated in the music program and learned how to play the Violin. I really enjoyed the violin and my dad got me lessons for that as well. I don't remember how I met Mr. Gross, but I do remember he was the Music teacher in the Junior high I would be going to when old enough. When I was in the 5th grade I was going to my Junior high school early in the morning before school to practice with the Junior High orchestra. I even got out of classes to go to the concerts they put on and I was still in elementary school. I joined the choir in Elementary School as well. I was in the Choir until I got to High School. When I was in Junior High I was in the Orchestra plus the High School Marching band. I started playing guitar while I was in High School as well continuing with the organ, piano and violin. When I was 16 I played the violin at a festival here, I played Devil went Down to Georgia by memory. It was awesome. I had "old-timers", people playing for many years invite me onto the stage with them to play with them. When I was 17 I started my own band and it didn't go well because everyone else in the band wasn't as serious as I was. I was writing my own songs at this time too. Not just lyrics but the music as well. I still play today just not as much as I used to.
5. I am a huge horror fan: I can't tell you what exactly got me into the horror scene. I can say I am glad I was introduced to horror. I grew in the 70's and 80's. the movies weren't like they are today and I used to watch a lot of older movies as well. I would read Stephen King as much as possible. Growing up I got his books as soon as a new one came out. I had a nice collection of his books. I later got into horror core rap, that happened when I watched wrestling one day (I am a big wrestling fan also) and I saw the members of ICP wrestling. I ran out to the mall and bought everything the store had from them. I still enjoy all the music I grew up with including country, classical and rock but my love is horror core. 
6. I am Spiritual not religious: this is a touchy subject to talk about so I will start by giving the definition of Spiritual-  of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.and now the definition of religious- relating to or believing in a religion. I believe in a Higher Power, something greater than me. Do I believe the beliefs of religions such as Christianity no not really. I believe in the common sense parts of it like thou shall not kill, though shall not commit adultery and honor thy mother and father. If you think about it those just basically state you should have respect for others and you should be that way no matter who you are or what you believe. I'm not really going to get into it to deep, i will say that I call myself spiritual because I tend to lean more towards the ways of Native Americans and Pagans.
7. I lost my home to Hurricane Katrina: I was living in Saint Bernard Parish near on oil refinery when the weather started getting bad and the news kept reporting the path of Hurricane Katrina. They kept us updated on the category the hurricane was as well. Saint Bernard Parish is below the sea level and just outside of New Orleans. I was living in a 1970 House trailer. it would move a lot in high winds but I wasn't to worried cause I made it through my first hurricane the year before. It was a category 2. Katrina was a category 2 when she started to head towards New Orleans. She got worst before she got to us. A day or two before she hit New Orleans they said on the news she was a category 5. They also said on the news that they highly suggest that you evacuate. I didn't want to experience a category hurricane first hand so I went to the airport with a few days worth of clothes and flew up to Shreveport, La. I don't like to fly but that was the fastest way out of there. When I arrived in Shreveport I had no where to go so I went to a shelter and told them why I was there. I was given a place in the shelter. After Katrina hit and there was so much damage back in New Orleans. I got a job and found a place to stay in Shreveport for a while. I called Fema about my trailer that I owned. They informed me that they couldn't find it there were pieces of other houses on the lot my trailer was on. They offered me money to rebuild in New Orleans. I didn't want to go back so I didn't take the money. I lost everything I owned at that time because it was all still in the trailer where ever that was.
8. I got to experience Mardi Gras in New Orleans: In 2005 I got to experience Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. A friend of mine Danielle , who lived in Gretna, never went to Bourbon Street for Mardi Gras. I told her I would take her. We went to the tattoo shop first on Canal Street so we could both get a tattoo. She got one that said "Silence is Violence" around her wrist and I got "Remembering Christian" added to the heart tattoo I got when my son passed away. (More about that when I talk about my tattoos on day 7 of this challenge).After the tattoos we head to Bourbon Street where there was wall to wall people. Danielle is in a wheelchair, so with all the people it was hard to get her down the street. No one would move I was being polite and kept saying excuse me. They just wouldn't move so I told her to hold on and I started ramming the wheelchair into people to make them move. That did the trick they made a path for us all the way down the street. We were headed to Razoo's, because that is where she wanted to go. We were there until 4 am when she finally wanted to go home it was a great time. 
9. I started writing when I was in 10th grade: Growing up I did all I could to escape my fucked up life, music, reading and in the 10th grade I started writing poems and songs. I was always bored in study hall because I never had homework to do by the time I had study hall. I always had it done already. I started writing my thoughts on paper. This is how I got into writing poetry and song lyrics. I would also write the music to the lyrics when I got home. Even back then when I wrote while at home I had music playing. Now as I write stories I concentrate better when I listen to music. If I wouldn't have lost my binder of poems in Hurricane Katrina I would have over 2,000 poems and about 100 songs. Now I have about 4 copies of my writings so I never lose them again.
10. I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare: What a lot of people don't know about me is I can be the sweetest, Kindest person ever. I will give you my last dollar and the shirt off my back if you are in need. If your hungry I feed you. Even if I am struggling myself I will help someone the best I can. The thing people don't seem to get about me though is you shouldn't mistake my kindness for weakness. Even though I can be so sweet and kind my fucked up life helped me reside on the dark side and I really like my darkness. If you ever do me dirty all respect and care for you leaves. if you back-stab me I will do the same to you so bad you will be sitting in a corner hugging yourself and saying "it's only a dream, it's only a dream". I am more that a little disturbed and I am real good friends with my demons, voices, imaginary friends and skeletons. When you fuck me over they all come out to play....which is why I say "I can be your best friend or your worst nightmare. The choice is yours"

Links to the earlier posts of this challenge:
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3

Day 3 : First love and first kiss

Today's challenge is to write about my first love and first kiss ; if different , discuss both. For  me my first kiss and first love are separate. they actually happened many years apart and in different states.

My first Kiss:

As a teenager I was what you would call a tomboy. I was the son my brother never was. I helped my dad work on the cars, re-shingle the roof. put up paneling in the attic, things like that. My brother was slightly disturbed though no one in the family but me noticed, but that is a whole other story. Anyway I always considered myself "one of the guys" I wasn't interested in dating or even thought of guys in a romantic way when I was a teenager. My dad even thought I was a lesbian because I wasn't dating anyone. He even had the nerve to tell me to have sex with a boy when I was sixteen because he was worried about me. Anyway back to the first kiss, while I was hanging out with my male friends and few females I knew we were drinking and playing a game of truth & dare. Every time I had to pick truth or dare they kept asking very personal questions about my messed up life I really didn't want to answer so I finally picked a dare. Now you are probably wondering what a game of truth or dare has to do with a first kiss, it has everything to do with it. The game is how the kiss even happened. The time I picked dare I was dared to kiss a real good friend of mine named J.B. he was the sweetest kid I met. He always stood up for me even when I didn't want or expect someone to. He was however a couple years younger than me. I didn't want to do the dare but they told me it was that or do truth. I didn't want to keep answering questions about my mom so I finally said "OK come on let's get this over with" my first kiss was a quick peck on the lips, but it ruined that friendship. He liked me and I didn't like him like that so we just stopped hanging out together. As the years went on if we ran into each other we would just say hi and keep walking. I  miss him as a friend.

My first Love:

I had my first boyfriend when I was 18 and I was with him for 3 years and no he wasn't my first love. I just wanted to express the age of my first relationship to help explain about my first love. After a 3 year relationship, a 1 year marriage, a 6 year relationship and a very short abusive relationship, with a few years of being single between each relationship I moved from Pennsylvania to Louisiana.
Once I was in Louisiana I met yet another man that wasn't good for me but I felt so unloved and unwanted when he gave me attention I liked the attention he gave me at first. of course as in all abusive relationships the good doesn't last. That relationship didn't last long thanks to Hurricane Katrina. I lost my home at that point and I relocated to Shreveport from New Orleans. I started over once again. I got a job at Taco Bell, rented nice house not far from work and life was good. Then one day while I was at work I was running the register that night. Not long before the dining area was supposed to close in walk 3 people to get some food. It was 2 guys and a girl. The girl sits down and the two guys come to the register to order. The older of the two was looking at his phone and sending a text. the younger one, which I found out later was the older one's brother, order the food. he order the 10 taco combo, He told me they wanted 5 hard and 5 soft. He asked his brother, who I found out he name was Nick, if he wanted soft. Nick looks up, looks at me and says, "I like it hard". I was having a bad day and that made my night., I started laughing with what he said than confirmed they wanted 10 hard shelled tacos and 2 burritos.

When their food is ready the sit down and eat. Nick keeps staring at me as I was working. I didn't think anything of it because I thought no one would ever be interested in me. I cleaned most of the lobby while they ate and took orders as people came in with take out orders. I go to clean the bathroom as part of my job, just than the younger one, Daniel comes up to me and asks me if he can borrow my cell phone to call his mom. I had, and still do, trust issues so I said i saw the other one using a phone, That is when I found out they were brothers and Daniel said the phone was out of minutes. So I let him use the phone and I went into the bathroom to clean it thinking I just lost my phone. When I am done cleaning the bathroom, Nick is standing outside the door with my phone in his hand. He asked me when I got done with work. I told him I got done at 10pm which was 15 minutes away. he said they were going home and he would be there for 10 for me to call him , he had already put his number in my phone. I said "OK" but had no intentions of calling him because I honestly didn't think he liked me. I didn't think there was any way for someone as nice as he seemed to like a screw up like me. Ten O'clock comes and I am still working finishing up the dishes the manager asked me to do. I get a phone call at 10:10 pm just as I clock out, it was Nick.

Nick asked why I didn't call him at 10 and I told him I just clocked out. We talked for four hours that night. We talked everyday for 2 weeks before I actually agreed to go out with him. We spent so much time together it was awesome. We were together for 4 months before I found out I was pregnant. I found out on Oct 30, 2005. He was at a Halloween party with his brother and staying at his mom's that night so I called him and told him I needed to talk to him. He said "Don't tell me your pregnant too". I was shocked by his reply but still asked what he meant by "too". That is when I found out that his ex said she was pregnant by him from the times he went over to see his daughter. It turned out she was pregnant but not by him. He told me that we weren't ready for a baby for me to get an abortion and we can try later. I told him "I'm not getting an abortion I will have this baby with or without you but I prefer with you". We were still together and a few days later after dealing with the ex he started showing excitement for our baby. He was doing work at his mom's house and with his dad so he was staying at his mom's for a few days. We talked on the phone every night until I fell asleep. My work schedule changed I was now going to work at 6 am. On November 4th at 11 p, he called me. We talked until 1 am the morning of the 5th. He told me he would call me when he woke up and if i couldn't answer he would leave a message because he knew I would be working.

The day goes by and it was getting close to the end of my shift and still no phone call. I just figured he was busy. Laura the girl that was with Nick and Daniel the first day I met them was now working at Taco Bell also. She came in early for her shift and asked me for my phone. I asked "why?" She told me in an angry tone " Because he always answers the phone when you call for some reason" so I gave he my phone to call him. She called and got no answer. She looked worried so I asked her what was going on. That is when I realized I really didn't want to ever live without him, but there was a good possibility I just might. Laura told me " As I was coming to work I passed by the road his house is on and there was a lot of smoke and fire trucks. I am trying to find out what happened but no one is answering the phone." She told the manger she wanted to go home and check on her brother Nick. She told me she would call me when she found out what was going on. I thanked her. The manager asked me if I would stay until she came back, I said I would. He told me I could keep my phone on me and when it rang I could answer it. About 30 minutes later I get a call from Laura and it was the worst call I think I ever got. She was crying so hard I couldn't make out what she was saying. I told her I wish I could have been there with her and she gets angry then yells, "Why? He's dead!" I was in the back of Taco Bell when I took the call and I just screamed "NO!" I could be heard clearly in the dining room area. The manager runs back to see what was wrong. He takes my phone as I sink to my knees and rock back and forth saying softly  "No, not Nick". November 5, 2005 I lost my first love. Honestly what kept me from sinking into depression real bad after the news was the fact that I was pregnant with our baby. A piece of him continued to live on and helped me continue to live.


Writing my first love was something that was hard for me. I don't talk about it. I lost him to a house fire. His mother also passed away in the fire that day. They were the only two at his mom's house when the fire started. A gas propane tank blew.

R.I.P
Nicholas W. Munds
11/24/83-11/5/05

Related posts:
Day 1
Day 2

Day 2- My earliest Memory

Day 2 of my 30 day writing challenge is about my earliest memory:

I can still remember it like it was yesterday, Dolly our dog was laying lazily on the living room floor, cartoons were on our black and white 3 channel television. The weather was beautiful. It was a bright, hot day in the middle of summer. The time of day was mid-afternoon. My brother Michael, My sister Marti-Ann and I were watching cartoons when we heard the Mr. Softie Ice cream truck playing it's music coming down the street. Mike and Marti asked our mom, who was in the kitchen if they could have some ice cream. The thought I was to young to get a whole ice cream for myself.

Mom smiles, gets her wallet and takes us kids outside to flag down the ice cream truck. Mr. Softie was in front of the neighbor's house when we went outside. The whole time we were waiting our turn Mike and Marti would tease me that I wasn't getting any ice cream. Mom didn't stop them from teasing me which made me sad. I was wondering why she didn't stop them from teasing me. Mom is keeping us close to her because we were standing in the street behind other neighbor kids and their parents waiting for our turn. Finally it is our turn to get ice cream. Mom asked Mike what he wanted and he excitedly shouted "VANILLA". Mom laughed then told the friendly ice cream man she wanted a small dish of vanilla ice cream. The ice cream man gave my brother a small dish of soft serve vanilla ice cream in a paper bowl with a red plastic spoon. Next Mom asked Marti what she wanted and she replied quietly "chocolate". The ice cream man gave my sister a small dish of chocolate the same way my brother's ice cream was. Mike and Marti  are standing there taking spoons of their ice cream waving it in front of my face before eating it saying " We got ice cream and you don't."

Mom does not ask me what kind of ice cream I wanted, she asked him for a butterscotch sundae, then pays for the ice cream. After he takes the money, he makes her sundae with a lot of  soft serve vanilla ice cream in a clear bowl that is small at the bottom and wider toward the top. He puts a lot of butterscotch sauce over the ice cream, top it with whipped cream and a cherry with the stem still on it.  He puts a red plastic spoon in the mound of ice cream before handing to Mom and thanking her for her purchase. We all walk back over to the house and go inside, the whole time my brother and sister continued to tease me. Once inside Mike and Marti sat on the floor in front of the television with their ice cream and Mom sat down in the living room on the chair with her sundae. I was the saddest four year old in the world at that point, or at least that is how it felt to me at the time. I was sitting away from everyone pouting when my mom called me over to sit on her lap.I go over to her still frowning about not having any ice cream. Mom helps me onto her lap, asks me to hold the sundae for her for a minute. I take it from her and it was cold on my little hands but I wasn't so sad any  more. I enjoyed spending time with my mom. She puts her arm around me, gives me a one armed hug, takes the spoon out the ice cream and eats it. She puts the spoon back in the ice cream takes the cherry off the top and tells me that butterscotch sundaes are her favorite. She then asks me if I want to taste it, I smile then say "yes, please". Mom takes another spoonful out the bowl I was still holding and fed me the spoon of ice cream.

She asks me what I thought of the ice cream. I told her it was good. Mom says "I'm glad you like it because I am full. You eat the rest" I couldn't believe it I had a whole sundae to myself minus the two spoonfuls mom ate. Mike and Marti looked upset over me having a butterscotch sundae when all they got was a small dish of ice cream. As mom walked past them to go to the kitchen she told them " Aren't you glad she isn't teasing you like you did her". Ever since that day whenever the ice cream truck came around and they asked for ice cream I didn't get teased anymore. Instead they were upset because they got a small dish of ice cream of their choice and Mom always got me a butterscotch sundae.